when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
