discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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