bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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