Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
