I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
