she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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