if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize