We're like a lot better than the average bears
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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