You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
