Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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