It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
