What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize