Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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