ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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