dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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