You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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