still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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