My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
