Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
