I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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