Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
