my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
