so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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