i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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