I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
