mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
