walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
