..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
