grandma shit on top of the toilet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
