What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
