I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
