Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
