Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
