It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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