Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize