i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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