Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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