when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you never un-have a 4some
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
