Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
