but the lizard people decide everything anyway
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
