Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
