How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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