walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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