Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
