when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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