you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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