While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
