I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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