I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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