This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
