so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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