I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
