So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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