I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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