Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
