Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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