Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
