did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
