I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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