I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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