all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
