i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
