I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
