i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize