is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
