this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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