Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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