I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
