for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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