I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
