am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
