Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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