..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
is it fun? or sober?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
